My Broken Heart 💔

My heart melted and broke because of a little boy, Aaron. He was meant to complete our family, our hopes were for him to be the spoilt little child, loved endlessly by his siblings, the bright light and joy of our lives. Bring us all solace and unite or family.. sounds very fairy tale-y right? Maybe that is what I envisioned.. or maybe is the delusion I get from not getting what I want and probably also because I watched too many dramas with happy endings..

I’m not saying we wont have a happy ending or we are not happy. Its just a very different type of happy that is very difficult to fathom. Nobody really understands how I feel. Sometimes not even myself. I realized that sometimes I’m like digging thru the garbage, looking for something.. looking for something to blame. Because I feel I do not deserve this.

I really hate it when people say “God only gives special needs kids to special mothers” or whichever variation it comes in. God, come on.. please, I’m not that special that you need to give me this honour.. I also especially hate it when people do not recognize the pain I am in. Yes, I cannot expect people to have empathy and pity.. aww.. so sad.. she has a special needs kid. Can you hear my heart break?

He is going to be 2. What does his future holds for him.. what new challenges will we face, medically, socially, emotionally? My heart is too broken. God, can you hear my heart break?

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