Thats what everyone says right? To “try” to be impartial, not to show expectation on gender.. Bullshit!

I always wanted boys. It’s just something i hoped. If Aaron was a girl, it would be natural for me to try for another boy. So, woohoo.. congrats to me!! I have a boy!!

So once we get that gender preference out of the way, of course we have hopes. I hoped that my unborn child would be tall as daddy, lots of hair, smart, brilliant, take care of me when im old.. and of course healthy.

Is Aaron healthy?

Is he? He probably is if we are looking for obvious symptoms like common viruses and stuff. He also has generally no condition that we should be fussing over like heart issues, thriving issues. So maybe, we can categorize him as healthy?

And so i should be happy?

Im not happy coz he isn’t what i hoped for. That doesn’t discount how much i love him. But that doesn’t mean also i cannot be disappointed and grieving my lost perfect son. Yes, it’s debatable that he is the joy in our lives blah blah blah. But pls, don’t be superficial, in denial or fake. I am not purposely wallowing in nonexistent sorrow.

I wanted a perfect, healthy, happy child that is above average and brilliant all ways!!

Instead, i have Aaron.

There’s no fault in me wanting a perfect son.