I don’t want to have to spend more of my energy typing about people who do not deserve my time. So, ya.. my helper sucks. 

That said, i keep looking for alternative care giving options. Like looking for a new helper but telling the agency the truth of my family profile which is family with 3 kids + dog. Cook and clean. Main job care for 1yr old disabled boy. Or for better understanding, “mini stroke patient” which one agency rudely said to me, “why don’t you try to do it all” <– because she thinks i should hire 2 helpers. 1 too solely care for Aaron, the other to cook, clean etc. Really?? 

Then lets talk about “why don’t i do it all myself?” Wow, i want to. I have suggested various equations for a win-win situation for work but my boss is nonchalant about it. I seriously cannot find nice words now for him. So ya, let’s leave it as that too.

I started looking for a school that would accept him. And every single school, government run preschools, church preschools, high end private preschools to International preschools. Everyone said the same, “No, if he doesn’t walk, we can’t take him.” 

Wow! I mean, i want to be fair for the overworked, underpaid, under appreciated teachers too. I also understand that its not fair for any sch to assign a person just to carry him around. I can understand all these. But, where are all the children who can’t walk? Are we the only one? 

Ok.. next interesting thing is about “inclusive” preschools. Cut it short and simple, they are not “inclusive” of physically disabled children. Mindblowing right? 

Come on Singapore. Special needs is not only autism, adhd, learning difficulties, speech delays. Do you know that? Or because the country is so perfect that it cannot find a place for atypical children? 

There are special schools and early intervention centres. But somehow, our neurologist Dr Jocelyn says she sees potential in Aaron so not referring him yet until the diagnosis comes out (which i am waiting patiently for 8weeks already). 

So, there’s this Angelman Syndrome support group that im in, so i asked if any of their kiddos actually attended a normal preschool, except one who told me her son did but under an ICCP programme which i need to find out more. But most of all these special programmes will all need the diagnosis and a letter labelling him. 

Its sad. 

Reality sucks. 

He is a blessing. Really. Cannot imagine life without him & wondering why God chose to make him special to punish me. I should carry my own cross and suffer for my sins. Why put it upon my lovely child? 

Not here to debate about God too. 

Let go. Let God. 

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